TEH BEST RINGZ EVAR!!!!!!!!!11

I wanted to thank everyone who commented on the last post. When you comment on my blog, that comment is sent to my gmail account. Gmail supports google with contextual ads, and I, reading an email with 7 responses chock-full of words like wedding, band, ring, titanium, and platinum, received an ad, chosen from context, for another fabulous website offering fabulous titanium rings with various inlays.

And my mind was forever changed.

Yes, that is a Titanium Ring with an inlay of Pink Carbon Fiber. You're speechless, I know.

On an unrelated note, FI placed the order last night.

Band Geek

With 73 days to the wedding, it's time I find and choose a band. Unfortunately, I haven't. In fact, I had gotten discouraged with a lot of fruitless searching, and hadn't done much of anything in weeks, unless you count whining about pawn shops.

Mens heirloom/estate/vintage/whatever rings are actually pretty hard to come by. I don't know why. And my distaste for gold (personal, not environmental) narrows my already limited options to a tiny sliver. Let me just say this has been significantly more difficult than selecting the engagement ring. So now what? SheBunny found a few great rings on ebay, but all were snatched up in the tide of rising platinum prices and the falling dollar. It's time to broaden my search...

A couple of nights ago, SheBunny sat me down and got me back on track with this. We looked at several rings, discussed the abhorrent gaudiness we were seeing, and eventually found ourselves on the far side of yet another fruitless search. I gave serious thought to spending the weekend combing pawn shops and jewelry and antique stores, but our weekend plans are to finish the invites, and there certainly won't be time for doing both.

And then she discovered Rob and Lean (Leighanne). Rob turns wood and metal into gorgeous rings, and they sell them on Etsy. And I love them. In fact, I wrote a little song 'bout it! Like-a hea' it? Hea' it go'!

The Spirit of Abraham Lincoln
The first ring to catch my eye is 100% copper. This is a material I had been thinking about for a while, but due to its tendency to tarnish and the fact that I'd never seen it used for jewelry (just pennies, pipes, pots, and pans), I never really pursued the thought. Now all my wildest dreams can come true. The only downside is that copper tarnishes green, and this can stain the skin. The likelihood of this totally depends on the wearer, and I have no idea how my skin will react. It is supposed to be good for the joints and things, though. Maybe it would help out with my wrists... Another Bonus: C'est très bon marche!

Darker and Darker Still
Titanium and Tungsten have also been on my mind. Neither are good candidates for vintage, as they haven't been around that long, and no one is really recycling these metals into rings at this point (or at least not that we've found). Fortunately, it's quite a bit less resource-intensive than the more "precious" metals. This particular ring is pure titanium and the dark finish on it is simply gorgeous. Very simple, pure, and classy. Also crazy strong, hypo-allergenic, and non-oxidizing.

Best of Both Worlds?
What could be better than Copper or Titanium? Copper and Titanium! Or could it? This ring places the titanium against the skin, with the copper exposed. I'm not sure if it looks amazing, or like cookware. Either way, the copper will come into contact with the two adjacent fingers. I think if I'm going to do copper, I'm going to do it all the way, but I do love the inlay. I've been torn on it. Initially, I did dismiss it as cookware, but I can't bring myself to remove it from the final round. That means something, right?

Just Add Nature
Metal may not seem the greenest and most natural substance, but wood rings are entirely too delicate for me to consider a wood band as a symbol of our marriage. I'd like to make a stronger statement than that. Here we have all the appeal of wood with all the strength of titanium. And they replace worn wood inlays for only $10, so if I do end up damaging the more delicate part of the band, it can be mended. That sounds like a good symbol. The core is strong, but it is not entirely impervious to damage. It requires care, but is at the same time incredibly difficult to significantly damage. Hmm... I may have just talked myself into the inlay.

Excellent Response
I wrote the seller late last night and received a response before noon today. They answered every single question I asked, and did so very much to my satisfaction. I have but a couple more questions to ask, but am certain their response will be excellent. At this point, could I let anyone OTHER than Rob make my ring?

Customization
Rob is basically willing to make any ring with any inlay and any stones at any size. They have 100% positive feedback on over 400 responses, and from what little correspondence we've had, I'm convinced that this is an excellent couple to work with. I'm thinking of other inlays, as Walnut doesn't strike me as great, and I'm not fond of the toxicity of Cocobolo.
I much prefer Maple and Birch, but they have several reclaimed woods available as well. How awesome would that be? Cypress is one of the reclaimed options. If you're not sure what that wood looks like, we have something in the common. Fortunately, they made an all Cypress ring, so we can take a good look. It might be too light to go with polished titanium, but if I could get a dark titanium ring like the one above, this might look amazing inlaid with it. Clearly, I've got some thinking to do in the next couple days.

(Feedback is encouraged)

Getting to Know You (2 of 2) : Go Dancing

Ladies, I have nothing to talk to you about. I'm preaching to the choir here. You would be reading this, nodding, and fighting the urge to scream "I Know!!! Tell HIM!!!! " I know you know, so off you go. If you've got the notion, make your fella a drink. He might like something to sip on while he reads the rest of this.

Alright, guys. Hang on, that drink is on the way. What're you having? Scotch? Scotch and water? Water? Either way, enjoy it. I've got a lot to cover, but I'll try to get to the point.

You need to go dancing. It will improve your quality of life. I'm not talking about hitting the club, grinding on strangers to the romantic sounds of Chingy and Timbaland. No, I'm talking about Rumba/Tango/Waltz stuff. I'm talking about Emmitt Smith-style makin' that woman move.

The Talented Mr. Smith
You likely know Emmitt Smith as the Cowboys' Running Back. Maybe the Cardinals. Your lady, on the other hand, probably knows him from Dancing with the Stars, where he won the third season with partner (and trainer) Cheryl Burke. The world of ballroom dancing evidently knows him as their poster boy and emmissary. And pretty much everyone knows he's awesome.

In addition to his current football work (host/analysis/etc), Smith is a spokesman for the Arthur Murray dance studio franchise. (Warning! WORST Flash Site EVER) They have interviews with him posted on the site, part 1 of which is called "Dancing Has Changed My Life" and is available in Windows Media Player and Quicktime formats. I haven't seen it yet.

Bring it Home
Ok, hopefully, I've got your attention, because it's time to bring it home. Emmitt and I agree: Dancing is good. It's good for you (ya lazy bum). Your woman already wants to do it. And don't give me any crap about "She hasn't said so" or any other excuses. If she hasn't nagged you about it, it's because nagging you would take away from the joy of dancing with you. The both of you, out there on the floor, together, for the one simple reason that you WANT to be there doing that, would bring you both such joy. If, however, the only reason you're there is that you "have" to be... well, it won't be any fun for either of you.

My fiancee and I started taking a dance class at the local community college (under the community education program) and have been SO happy with it that we're planning to follow up with the intermediate course. We have learned a LOT about each other through just, what, 6 or 7 classes, and have actually noticed concrete examples of how it's helped us as a couple. Go sign up for a cheap class at your local community college, or find something on Craigslist, or if you're tired of taking matches to all the hundred-dollar bills you've got lying around, check out your local Arthur Miller academy. If you're a little bit country, go for the line dancing. You really can't go wrong with basic ballroom though. It's a lot of fun.

Oh, and see the shoe post before you chip off her poor toenails with your clumsy boats.

Next Up: He-Said/She-Said: a bipartisan analysis of the marriage preparation retreat and the dance classes.

Getting To Know You (1 of 2) : Structured Conversation

Let's play a quick game of word association. I'll say a couple words, and you tell me what immediately comes to mind. How do they make you feel?

Counseling

Therapy

Ok, ok, I can already see that this is making most people uncomfortable, so I'll stop. Most people don't want to talk about that stuff, and I can totally understand why. There are plenty of reasons for it to be an unappealing topic. It's cool, though; I want to change the subject. (All of the links for this post are going at the end. I don't want to interrupt the flow, so we can recap when we're done.)

Structured Conversations
It's like watching TV with your loved one, and then discussing what you just saw. "OMG Raymond is SO FUNNY! No wonder everybody loves him!" "Are you kidding? He's the dumbest, most annoying thing since Homer Simpson!" Great, you've got the idea.

Now, instead of watching TV, let's seek out more intellectually stimulating input. Let's go with, say, a great biography. Think of the most successful marriage you know of (the criteria is your own, so whatever you want, real or imagined). Ron and Nancy? Wesley and Buttercup? Your grandparents? Sounds great. Now think of their autobiography, written as a couple. That'll be a GREAT read, right? Especially going into your wedding. Maybe you could use some advice in dealing with your fiancee. How are you going to deal with his video game habit or her shopping habit? Do you want a joint account? Are you changing your name? What about babies? Where will you live? Whose career comes first? The experience of your ideal couple could be VERY beneficial to you.

Ok, reality. Even if the couple exists, and even if they're written that biography, they're going to miss something. An aggregation of collected advice from years and years of sources, tireless research, and centuries of experience would be nice. There are some excellent sources available.

Let's Talk About _____, Baby
Assumptions, like all things, need to come in moderation. You have to make some assumptions, otherwise having to define every word you use would literally take forever. So we assume we mean some shared meaning in words. We assume some level of consistency in each others actions. I eat ice cream probably 5 nights a week, so it's safe for SheBunny to assume that I'd like ice cream pretty much any night of the week. Simple assumptions can go bad, though. And some assumptions end up being bigger (and more wrong) than you think.

Structured conversation is the only way to prevent serious matters from catching you by surprise. If you haven't discussed the bank accounts, you can't assume you're on the same page (joint, solo, or both?) If you haven't discussed babies, you can't assume how many you'll be having. If you haven't discussed your plans for your new spouse to support you through school so you can ultimately make 3x their salary and lock 'em in the house to raise your undisclosed number of babies, there is DEFINITELY going to be some conflict.

You need to talk about it, and you need to make sure you don't miss any of the big stuff. It is important to be on the same page, and to work well together. We bunnies did this three ways, and I want to briefly discuss two of them. The third will come in the second part of this post.

Get a Book
We did some independent study to begin with. The Conscious Bride's Wedding Planner (by Sheryl Paul) has a section with a lot of great questions and conversation starters. It will guide you through the discussion of many important topics. SheBunny thought I was resistant to it, when in fact it was simple laziness that prevented me from taking initiative. We were on a road trip and had the book with us when we first started the dialogue. The details escape me, but one of us was driving, the other reading and asking questions. Both of us, through the honest sharing of our opinions, learned a great deal about each other on that trip.

Find a Retreat
We actively sought marriage counseling (Well, she actively sought it, and I continued on my mission of No Initiative, with a couple of pointless spurts of effort) for quite some time before FI eventually found the Catholic Engaged Encounter. Their motto mirrors our feelings perfectly: "A wedding is a day... a marriage is a lifetime." You should know that neither of us are Catholic. Fortunately, the good people of the Diocese of St. Augustine happily accepted our request to join them.

You may already know that the Catholic church "requires" couples to take this course. It is not a strict requirement, mind you, but participation is strongly encouraged. We Bunnies were the only non-Catholic couple there, and the only 100% voluntary attendants. We participated in every discussion, received blessings from Father Seamus, and spoke earnestly and openly with one another, the group, and the coordinators. Everyone was incredibly receptive. The worksheets were incredibly thought-provoking. The weekend was two days and two nights at their retreat, packed solid with talks, handouts, exercises, and stories. We had an amazing time, met amazing people, and benefited tremendously.

Closing Arguments
If you don't know by now, my purpose here is NOT to tell you what to do. You get enough of that from other directions. I'm just sharing what I know, feel and think. I know these discussions helped us and brought us closer. I feel that a weekend retreat (or at the very least a good book) is essential to EVERY couple, whether you're just starting out or have been together for decades. Finally, I think there is hardly anything better that you can do for yourselves, both individually and as a couple, than to put your heart and mind into dedicating a weekend to this essential topic.

I am happy to answer any questions you may have. Email me, if you know the address, or just leave a comment. Part two will be coming up before long, and will cover the last third of this weighty topic.


Until then, enjoy these fine links:
Conscious Bride's Wedding Planner

The cheat sheet that FI made from our Engaged Encounter notes

Engaged Encounter itself

Engaged Encounter of the Diocese of Saint Augustine
Even if you're coming from distant lands, I highly recommend this location. The retreat center is absolutely picturesque, and the people are amazing.

Platinum Mining, Specifically

I got a comment on the gold mining post from a friend asking about Platinum mining. Since I purchased a platinum engagement ring for my fiancée, she needed to get a platinum wedding band (if any) of one ring would mar the other. She's getting two platinum rings, then, and I may be getting one as well, so it's definitely something I should look into. I planned on researching it eventually, but no time like the present, right?

As I said in the previous post, Wikipedia cannot be considered a consistently reliable source. It is, however, an excellent place to start. It didn't come up in today's first search, though. In fact, when I asked google about "platinum mining", the first place they sent me was to a page on UNCTAD's InfoComm. UNCTAD is the United Nations Conference on Trade and Development. Generally, I assume the United Nations is going to offer fairly unbiased, researched, and intelligent information. If you disagree, check your own preferred sources and let me know what you learn.

InfoComm actually offers a beautifully clear and concise chart illustrating the refining process. In the text, they offer information about primary mine locations (South Africa and Russia are the two primary sources), mining companies (Amplats is the "industry leader"), quantity (producing one ounce of platinum requires 7 - 12 tonnes [metric tons] of ore), and supply (estimates are less than a year), and finally recycling.

The first thing you need to know is that Platinum is part of PGM, or Platinum Metals Group. Platinum, Palladium, and Rhodium all go hand-in-hand. The primary commercial use of platinum, surprisingly, is automobile catalytic converters. HowStuffWorks is happy to explain how that works. As for quantity, this is the best info I could find, "It is estimated that the average catalytic converter on the market contains 1.5 g of PGM." (They even cite their source!)

There are many more uses, including the production of things that aren't made of platinum at all. According to Wikipedia, it's a catalyst in the production of silocone (squeegees and spatulas) as well as medical implants (breasts, joints, and so on). It is also used in certain forms of chemotherapy, which is both good and bad. They've got a map of platinum production sites, too.

Ok, let's talk about the ambiguous bad stuff now.
First, there is the environmental damage caused by mining. From what I've gathered in the last half-hour, platinum is most often extracted in nickel and copper mining operations, most requently conducted in underground mines (as opposed to pit mines). Can the extraction of platinum be justified, since they're already mining for the copper and nickel? Well, that's your call.

Then we have the refining process, which according to GoldAndSilverMines.com, is "among the most complex and challenging of metal separations." Read their page for more information on the subject. You can see what kinds of chemicals are used in the separation process. Ammonium chloride seems to be the primary bath, and I'll let you do your own research on the dangers of that. All I know is I sure wouldn't want to breathe the vapors.

Points to think about:
How long would it take you to dig up 7 tonnes (15,432 lbs) of rock?
How much energy does that require?
What is done with the "waste"?
How many chemicals are used?
What is done with the chemical waste?
How much is a platinum ring Really worth?

I can't answer any of this for you, but I've definitely convinced myself that I don't need a platinum ring. We've been watching ebay, actually, and the rings have been going for way more than we want to pay. We are only watching used rings, the older the better, and they're getting bought up at alarming rates.

Good luck with your own research and decision.

Jewelry Selection

It is Blog Action Day. We're supposed to do an environmentally motivated post. The point is to get people thinking, but I find that environmentally motivated things are more likely to CLOSE ears than to OPEN them.

The best thing a writer can do when trying to shift popular opinion or habit (environmental or otherwise) is to avoid being preachy. For crying out loud, we all learned to automatically block preachy tones by age 4.

You already know that it's impossible to reliably measure your impact on the environment. Maybe you think the evidence is conclusive, or maybe not. Maybe you trust the sources, or maybe not. We can argue until we're dead and still never agree. So let's avoid it.

What we do know and can talk about is how the environment affects us. We're people, and we're affected by everything from the earth's rotation to the rain to the little planetary events that we call "natural disasters". We can all have a similar perspective on size and magnitude. That'll simplify the discussion, right?

You know what? I'll get right to the point. I will tell you point blank what I want to shift.
I want you to think about where jewelry comes from.

If we're talking about things related to weddings, there are very limited sources. We're excluding macaroni art. Let's filter innately hippie things, too, like crowns of twisted vine, or I dunno, twigs in your hair. Yeah, let's go straight to Gold, Silver, Platinum, Pearl, Diamond, Ruby, Emerald, Sapphire, and so on. That's where the money is.

Metal
This is easy. It all comes from one place: the ground. We have to dig up the earth, find it, and somehow filter it. One method of getting gold is called panning, and it's not commercially viable. Moot. Actually, most of the world's gold comes from hard rock mining, and the most popular method of processing that ore is Gold Cyanidation. (Wikipedia is not generally considered a reliable source, in that you can't cite it on term papers and the like, but it is a great place for starting your research.) This is a process through which gold is dissolved into water with the help of a lot of cyanide. The cyanide is left over, and contained.

What do we know about Cyanide? Will, the above wiki page says that cyanide has a "highly poisonous nature," but do we believe that? It depends on the form of the cyanide. Some forms are actually beneficial. Apple seeds and almonds contain cyanide. That means it's natural, right? Well, yeah. But natural doesn't mean good. Nor does it mean bad. So where does that leave us? There is obvious evidence that cyanide can get in the water supply through leaks, accidents, or incidents. There is very conclusive evidence that when this happens, it kills almost everything it comes into contact with. People are advised to NOT drink the water, so they survive. It is obvious not a good thing. But there is evidence that the cyanide partially breaks down fairly rapidly, and microorganisms can fully recover in just over a couple weeks. So where does that leave us?

Thinking, hopefully. Maybe even reading more.

Gems and Jewels
How about we stop here? Let's not talk about conflict diamonds. Let's not talk about horrible working conditions, indentured servitude, slavery, or jobs that destroy your health without even offering health care. I don't want to think about drowning pearl divers. I don't want to know how much energy it takes to produce an artificial diamond.

It's hard to think about the environment. We've been bombarded by information from unreliable sources, for one. For another, we have to think about where this would ultimately lead. What if we agreed that burning oil was bad? We would have to stop driving NOW. We would have to stop consuming power NOW. How would we have light or news or anything? It's not like we can go back to burning whale oil!

Obviously there's no single, definable answer that can be handed out to everyone. This is a massive, huge, whole-earth issue. People can't even fully agree if it's actually a problem. Without that fundamental agreement, how can it be solved?

Well, we can do what we can do, can't we? I still have to get to work, and I'm not willing to move closer. But I do have a coworker who lives near me, and we could carpool at least 3 or 4 days a week. Only we work different shifts. So I changed mine. Sure, it won't be AS convenient, but there are benefits, too. Gas will cost about half as much, for instance. And only one of us will have to deal with the stress of driving each day. Ultimately, it will be a good thing.

And I need to email her about that, to see if she'd be interested. I think I'll do that now.

Think for yourself, my friends. Challenge both sides to find the truth. Make your own decisions, and really act on them. Accept responsibility for your life, and live in a way that makes you proud.

Alcohol and Your Diet

When I have a drink, I want one of 4 things:
- Whiskey and Coke
- Rum and Coke or a Mojito
- Good wine or Champagne (sparkling wine, whatever)
- Good beer (Heineken is not good beer. Negra Modelo and Delirium are.)

(Note: I'm going to use Calorie-Count.com for all my numbers)

Beer (~150)
We all know that beer is made of carbs and calories. But how many? Well, I don't have bottles handy at work, so looking online, my options are limited. Let's start with the lame, American standard: Budweiser. 145kcal for 12oz.
Blue Moon, an excellent beer that is apparently owned by Coors (?!?) is 171kcal per 12oz.
Peroni, a great, light Italian beer, sold by Miller, is 150kcal per 12oz.

Wine (~80)
For wine, they don't offer any specific brands, vinyards, or vintages. Fair enough. On average, we'll assume, a glass (3.5oz) will run you around 79kcal.

Liquor (~???)
Now, for those of you who like the harder drinks, or cocktails, let's look first at the alcohol content. Most standard alcohols are 80 proof, so 1 fl. oz. will cost you 64kcal.
Coca-Cola is 97kcal for 8oz. If you mix your drinks 2:1, that would include 4oz of alcohol, or 256kcal for a total of 353. Three drinks is half of the daily recommended intake for most people. I will grant that that's a fair bit stronger than most people go for, but it's my blog, my post, and my recipe. :)

(Every photo tells a story, but some need additional explanation)

What do you make of that? Speaking for myself, I can't believe how many calories are in liquor. It has no carbs, no fat, no sugar, no protein... what the heck? And as soon as I saw that number, it clicked. Calories are a measurement of energy. Energy is measured by combusting foods, basically. Or at least that was the original method. Slate has an interesting article on the subject. Suffice for our purposes to say that you can get SOME measurement of caloric content by burning something and calculating the energy it gives off.

I don't think you need to actually try it to know that alcohol burns a helluva lot better than coke. In fact, I would highly recommend AGAINST attmepting to set fire to liquor. Either way, it was kind of a 'duh' moment for me. Of course whisky is chock-full of calories.

The other thing I'm thinking is ... it's time to revise the diet. I think I'll allow myself 2 cocktails a week. (At least one of which should be before dance class!!)