Two Pieces of Advice on Dancing

For the intrepid couple on the happy path to matrimonial bliss, I have two humble pieces of advice to offer you.

One for the men: Sign up for dance classes.

One for the women: Go shopping.


Lemme 'splain...

Men, you want and you need to sign up for dance classes. Ballroom dancing is great if you want the best all-around choice. Salsa if you're into that specifically. Hip-hop if you're a white computer geek with no concept of cool (the rest of you can probably manage without the class, or know better than to try).

Need more convincing? It's ok, I understand your hesitation. Several Very Good things will come from this choice. They vary depending on your needs. They'll help with coordination or confidence if you need that. Maybe there's a power dynamic that you need to work out in your relationship because you're a total momma's-boy and found yourself a remarkably strong woman to compensate: this will help you regain some feeling of Man. It is your job to lead after all. Say your bride eventually comes to her senses and leaves you at the altar. (Sure, it's an unlikely possibility that no one wants to think about, but say it does happen. ) Well, if that happens, you can rest assured in the knowledge that the scores of women who found out you were taking a dance class have recently seen you with new eyes. And buddy, you're looking good. Otherwise, she'll meet you at the altar, and you can wow her family with your dashing, debonair, coordinated, confident presence, and your unparalleled skill on the dance floor. They'll adore you, and your new wife will fall in love with you all over again. *swoon*
Either way, you win!

Now, go find a class and ignore the rest of this post.



Alright, ladies, now that your dumb puppy has left the room, let's get down to brass tacks. Of course you want to think the best of him, and focus only on the positive, but in the interest of your continued beauty and health, let's admit for a moment that your man is a clumsy buffoon. What does that mean?

That means he's going to step on your feet!

Don't be scared. This is a good thing: through this class he will likely attain some level of coordination.
Furthermore, it's a golden opportunity to GO SHOPPING!
And better yet, you need to go shopping... FOR SHOES!

Before you scream and run out to the car, let's pause and consider your needs. The classes are likely going to take place on a shiny wood floor. You're going to want kinda slicky shoes. That's not a typo. Think slicky, not sticky! Orthopedics, Danskos, and running shoes are absolutely not an option. You don't want to stick to the floor when your malcoordinated buffoon is trying to spin you around, or you'll twist your ankle and/or knee. You're also going to want to consider real-world conditions. If you're going to wear heels to the reception, and most of the times you go out dancing, it may throw you off if you learn in ballet flats. Conversely, if it's a beach wedding with a dancefloor on the lawn, stilettos are going to make you more of a golf tee than a disco superstar.
Furthermore, you're going to want to make absolutely certain to PROTECT YOUR TOES. Open-toed shoes, at least this early in the game, are simply out of the question. No, you're going to want protection from his wildly flailing size-13s.

May I recommend:
The Manolo Blahnik Black Patent Pump
A bargain at $595
available from your friendly neighborhood Nieman Marcus
or online here

This fine shoe will simultaneously protect and flatter your feet, while giving you the confidence to wow the entire class. Luckily, the patent leather provides a slick surface to deflect his dangerous feet.


The Melissandre Calfskin Boot
Slightly less of a bargain at $1,510
Also available at Nieman Marcus,
online here

Defend yourself from a particularly manly man with this particularly bootly boot. Includes a red underside in case you need to use your heel to exact revenge on him for scuffing the fine calfskin.



The Jimmy Choo Watson Flat
A very reasonable $340
Available at Saks and other fine retailers
online here

This shoe is terrific because it's a flat, has a short toe (less for him to step on!), and includes defensive "gems". Be cautioned, though. It has rubber soles, which could jeopardize your knees and ankles.




The Louboutin Miminette Wedge
Modestly priced at $575
Available at Saks Fifth Avenue
online here (Also available in Gold!)

This more reasonable choice offers the perfect compromise between heel and flat, provides a comfortable toe without excessive length, and comes in a gorgeous metallic for maximum effect. Bonus: your man will call you Cobra Commander.



If your man hasn't got any good dress shoes, there is absolutely nothing in the world I could recommend above a fine pair of Kenneth Coles. I'd link you to the pair I have, but I picked them up on clearance at the KC outlet for $175. That's half price. They're the most comfortable shoes I've ever owned. On top of that, I've been wearing them probably 3x a week for several months now, and they still look practically new. A good place to start. I definitely recommend seeking out a nearby outlet, though, and looking for a bargain.