Thursday, January 31, 2008

Mo Drama Fo' Yo' Mama

TheKnot is a trip. I got on the Destination Weddings board because my fiancee was, and because there were some very cool people there. No, really, there were. She started out on the South Florida board, but that was nothing but drama, and trying to make people cry, so forget that. DW was better, though, with everybody being quite civil and nice to each other.

Then, of course, there was this sort of implied compliance with the standard. A lot of the 'knotties' were very sweet people, and some of them came off as kind of fake. It's the Desperate Housewives sort of sweetness, which never seems quite genuine, and often glosses over a deep-rooted malice. But there were always the good people! And you have to take the bad with the good, right? So you deal.

Both of us stopped posting there in the couple months before the wedding, because the cooler people had fled or were fleeing, the fake saccharin was through the roof, and we were just wicked busy with everything. We both got a lot of emails from people. Most were curiosity or concern, which I answered. A couple were just pushy, though, like we owed the board our continued participation? Forget that.

So before departing for CR, I put up my "last post". It was nice, positive, and devoid of snarkiness - just a general update and farewell. Every response to the post was positive. I double-checked to be sure. When I returned 2 weeks later, I did an "I'm Back!" post. Every response to THAT post, however, was absolutely negative. What nerve I had posting there after my horrifically offensive farewell post, and how I better be returning with a sincere apology or nothing at all. Wow. Whisky Tango Foxtrot?

An important addendum to the story is that one of those pushy/needy knotties (THE PushyNeedy, in fact) had emailed me after the farewell post, and made a point to throw in her desperate housewives jab at how neglectful we've been in our posting. Absolutely sick of it, and wanting to focus only on the positive awesomeness of the upcoming wedding, I told in my reply to can it, and that is the sort of pushiness that makes me NOT want to participate in the community more actively.

That response was posted on another board, where no one knows me. Those people rallied behind PushyNeedy, and not knowing me, decided to hold a weighty grudge against me. So basically, there was a Let's Hate Bunnygroom rally, while I was in Costa Rica getting married. PushyNeedy organized it and led it. It has become clear that PushyNeedy is both pushy and needy as a means to gain validation. When she gets the ladies to rally around her, she feels loved and important, and then wages battle against those who don't love her enough or in the right way, or find her unimportant enough to dismiss.

I love her, because she's really a decent person when she lets up on the pushiness and neediness. She can be very sweet. But I definitely don't find her important, because she's too busy stirring up trouble to really be a positive force. This is mere observation, though. Maybe offline, she's only sweet and awesome. Either way, I have been "unwelcomed" from the DW board (without being formally banned or anything), and everyone still there hates me.

This, to me, is hilarious. I followed up on that WE HATE YOU GO AWAY post by wishing everyone well and asking any remaining friends to drop me a line. I heard from a few by email, and am very happy that I've caught up with them all. It turns out that all have left the board as a result of the changing climate there. It's a bummer, really, because PushyNeedy is a pretty good leader. If only she'd lead people on positive quests instead of organizing lynch mobs.

Now that I've gotten all this petty crap out of the way, let's get back to the positive. Fortunately, my first several blog posts upon returning from the wedding, have been entirely positive and full of joy. They just didn't go on my knot-related, wedding planning blog. They went on the private wedding blog. If any of you reading this are friends of mine, feel free to drop me a line and I'll share the address with you. Bunnygroom0108 is my gmail address. :)

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