Two Pieces of Advice on Dancing

For the intrepid couple on the happy path to matrimonial bliss, I have two humble pieces of advice to offer you.

One for the men: Sign up for dance classes.

One for the women: Go shopping.


Lemme 'splain...

Men, you want and you need to sign up for dance classes. Ballroom dancing is great if you want the best all-around choice. Salsa if you're into that specifically. Hip-hop if you're a white computer geek with no concept of cool (the rest of you can probably manage without the class, or know better than to try).

Need more convincing? It's ok, I understand your hesitation. Several Very Good things will come from this choice. They vary depending on your needs. They'll help with coordination or confidence if you need that. Maybe there's a power dynamic that you need to work out in your relationship because you're a total momma's-boy and found yourself a remarkably strong woman to compensate: this will help you regain some feeling of Man. It is your job to lead after all. Say your bride eventually comes to her senses and leaves you at the altar. (Sure, it's an unlikely possibility that no one wants to think about, but say it does happen. ) Well, if that happens, you can rest assured in the knowledge that the scores of women who found out you were taking a dance class have recently seen you with new eyes. And buddy, you're looking good. Otherwise, she'll meet you at the altar, and you can wow her family with your dashing, debonair, coordinated, confident presence, and your unparalleled skill on the dance floor. They'll adore you, and your new wife will fall in love with you all over again. *swoon*
Either way, you win!

Now, go find a class and ignore the rest of this post.



Alright, ladies, now that your dumb puppy has left the room, let's get down to brass tacks. Of course you want to think the best of him, and focus only on the positive, but in the interest of your continued beauty and health, let's admit for a moment that your man is a clumsy buffoon. What does that mean?

That means he's going to step on your feet!

Don't be scared. This is a good thing: through this class he will likely attain some level of coordination.
Furthermore, it's a golden opportunity to GO SHOPPING!
And better yet, you need to go shopping... FOR SHOES!

Before you scream and run out to the car, let's pause and consider your needs. The classes are likely going to take place on a shiny wood floor. You're going to want kinda slicky shoes. That's not a typo. Think slicky, not sticky! Orthopedics, Danskos, and running shoes are absolutely not an option. You don't want to stick to the floor when your malcoordinated buffoon is trying to spin you around, or you'll twist your ankle and/or knee. You're also going to want to consider real-world conditions. If you're going to wear heels to the reception, and most of the times you go out dancing, it may throw you off if you learn in ballet flats. Conversely, if it's a beach wedding with a dancefloor on the lawn, stilettos are going to make you more of a golf tee than a disco superstar.
Furthermore, you're going to want to make absolutely certain to PROTECT YOUR TOES. Open-toed shoes, at least this early in the game, are simply out of the question. No, you're going to want protection from his wildly flailing size-13s.

May I recommend:
The Manolo Blahnik Black Patent Pump
A bargain at $595
available from your friendly neighborhood Nieman Marcus
or online here

This fine shoe will simultaneously protect and flatter your feet, while giving you the confidence to wow the entire class. Luckily, the patent leather provides a slick surface to deflect his dangerous feet.


The Melissandre Calfskin Boot
Slightly less of a bargain at $1,510
Also available at Nieman Marcus,
online here

Defend yourself from a particularly manly man with this particularly bootly boot. Includes a red underside in case you need to use your heel to exact revenge on him for scuffing the fine calfskin.



The Jimmy Choo Watson Flat
A very reasonable $340
Available at Saks and other fine retailers
online here

This shoe is terrific because it's a flat, has a short toe (less for him to step on!), and includes defensive "gems". Be cautioned, though. It has rubber soles, which could jeopardize your knees and ankles.




The Louboutin Miminette Wedge
Modestly priced at $575
Available at Saks Fifth Avenue
online here (Also available in Gold!)

This more reasonable choice offers the perfect compromise between heel and flat, provides a comfortable toe without excessive length, and comes in a gorgeous metallic for maximum effect. Bonus: your man will call you Cobra Commander.



If your man hasn't got any good dress shoes, there is absolutely nothing in the world I could recommend above a fine pair of Kenneth Coles. I'd link you to the pair I have, but I picked them up on clearance at the KC outlet for $175. That's half price. They're the most comfortable shoes I've ever owned. On top of that, I've been wearing them probably 3x a week for several months now, and they still look practically new. A good place to start. I definitely recommend seeking out a nearby outlet, though, and looking for a bargain.

Preventing an Unpleasant End

Your wedding is cause for great celebration. Half of your family thought you'd never get married, and the other half can't even remember your name (but is happy for you nonetheless). Some of them may not have been able to make it to the ceremony (but they had a very good reason, I'm sure) but at least they could show up to share this special night with you. Or eat your food. Or enjoy the open bar. Whatever.

The fact is, you have a crowd of people on your hands, and chances are pretty good you're serving them alcohol. There's no reason to turn this into a lecture on the dangers of alcohol. The subject has been covered. What I want to do is suggest some ideas on how to keep anything bad from happening, because you don't want anyone's evening to end on an unfortunate note, and you certainly don't want your wedding day remembered as anything but your wedding day.

Of course there's no way to fully control another's actions, and accidents do happen, but as event organizers with a full understanding of how alcohol can impair judgement, it is our responsibility to at least encourage safety. We could paraphrase this into some kind of a weak slogan!

Keep it light, keep 'em there, cut 'em off, or take 'em home

If you're serving watered-down American beer, you've already done your part to keep guests sober. Kudos. ;) Weak (virgin?) cocktails are another option. Just maybe not a popular one with the guests... Now that my worst suggestion is out of the way, let's move to the best.

For destination weddings, receptions held at hotels, or any other situation where the guests have adequate accommodations, you can simply keep them there. Destination wedding guests will already have their rooms taken care of. For those with the means to board their guests locally, little creativity can go a long way. Room keys could be incorporated into the place setting. The option to stay could be mentioned on the invitation and referenced on the RSVP. Guests who love camping could be granted a patch of yard space for tents, and your crazy retired uncle and aunt could sleep a few people in their RV. Heck, if the weather's right and the location is good for it, shelter may be optional. My fiancée and I love to sleep in the yard under the stars when the mosquitos and skies allow it. Let your creativity guide you on this one, and once your plans are made, your guests can drink to their hearts content.

Most couples may find the above idea totally impossible. That's fair. If you still want to let your guests drink to their hearts content, there is always the option of arranging some sort of transportation home. This would be especially helpful if that crazy uncle of yours hasn't yet sold his taxi company and bought the RV. Maybe you have great public transit options (NYC?) or live in a small area where folks can walk home. Rent a shuttle, call a cab, or let sober guests volunteer to be designated drivers.

Finally, you can just cut them off. Close the bar at midnight, and keep your guests entertained until 3. Lock the gates, hide the keys, and do whatever you need to keep them there until they've mostly sobered up. According to WebMD, the average person can metabolize around 1 drink an hour. The only problem is that it's impossible to know just how long it will take for people to sober up. Depending on how heavy they hit the bar, it could be an hour, or it could be 6. While this is probably the easiest way to help ensure your guests leave sober, it is assuredly the least effective.

On page 6 of WebMD's Alcohol Intoxication guide, they say that "impairment of skills begins at a much lower level than required to exhibit obvious signs of being drunk." That is to say, without a test, there is no way to tell how 'impaired' a person really is.

Which Is the Worse Buzzkill?
I'm no prude; I love a good drink, and have been known to have a few. On the other hand, I love every single person coming to our wedding, and would hate to know something unfortunate happened to them, especially on the night of my wedding. Call me a groomzilla, but I'm NOT going to have the memory of my wedding tainted by something that's in my power to prevent. It's going to be the happiest day of my life, full of nothing but good things.

Start a New Trend
Don't let yourself be limited by what people are doing. Innovate, like the classy star you are, and watch people follow your lead when they realize what a great idea it is. How awesome would it be if one day it was just understood that you bring a blanket and pillow to wedding receptions? Tuxes and Tents. Sounds like a good time to me.

The Groom's Planning Dilemma

Why Isn't He Interested?

How involved is your man in the wedding process? It's a rhetorical question, so measure it on whatever scale you want. Then ask yourself if you're happy with that. Do you want him to be more involved? In many couples, the woman wants her way, the man wants her to have it, and they're both happy with that arrangement. To those couples, I have only one thing to say: Congratulations on finding your balance so soon.

This Is How We Do It

I'm atypical in that I've actually dreamed of my wedding from a surprisingly young age. That's apparently not normal for guys, but I've always been a bit sappy and sentimental. From day one, I've been very involved in the planning process. FI chose the date, and I chose the country. She found the local planner, and I coordinated the photographer. She made the Save-the-Dates, and I made the website. Of course we have collaborated on each of these decisions along the way. She's amazing with research, has far more initiative, and is a better planner than I am (typical male/female trend, right?) But I still have ideas, and they're not all bad. And when we've made up our collective mind on something, I can be very aggressive about making sure it happens. So we're playing off each other's strengths and planning a wedding, honeymoon, and - more importantly - a marriage that we will both be proud of and happy with.

The crazy part to me is how many brides-to-be wish their man would be more involved. I understand he was playing football or basketball at age 15 while I was picturing a gorgeous woman in a gown, adorned with flowers. At least he has hand-eye coordination. ;) That doesn't mean he can't flip through a magazine and point out cakes that he thinks are cool, or call a florist to setup a meeting, or spend half an hour googling "wicked awesome honeymoons". If you want him to be involved, invite him.

PINK PINK PINK

Alright, you've been dreaming of this since you were 7, so you even have a few years of experience on me. But you're not dead-set on every aspect of the process, and you definitely want his feedback. Standing in front of the TV with three pictures of suits isn't going to get his interest; it's going to annoy him. And telling him "I want [insert super-girly pink pink pink here]," isn't going to engage his imagination; it's going to engage his gag reflex.

Speaking of engaging him: you did! He either proposed to you or accepted your proposal (c'mon, if a groom can blog, a bride can propose), so it's clear you know how to gain and hold his interest. He seems to think you can hold his interest for an entire lifetime, even. So you tell me what will work.

Take what he does and loves, and translate that to the wedding. The process is so massive and all-encompassing that there are parallels. If he loves drawing football plays, have him draw out the ceremony with little x's and o's. If he's visual, look through books together. It's already a given he'd love to do a cake tasting. Who wouldn't?

Don't 'Zilla (yet)

Get him on board with the planning, and with your existing plans. If you really want that to happen, you need to be flexible. Plan to give a little, but don't plan to compromise. Think Win-Win. If your ideas differ, don't automatically think, "Well, if I give this up, I'll have leverage there..." That's creating competition and ignoring the possibility of an alternative where you can both be happy with the choice.

Once he's on board, he will be part of the muscle that transforms your wedding plans into reality. His intuition on your potential planner could save you a frantic pre-wedding 'Zilla blowup (when she totally drops the ball). On the other hand, if he doesn't know the plans, he can't offer much help in keeping them on course during the big day.

If you open the door for your future husband to co-plan your wedding, don't be surprised if he marches through the door with a whole binder of ideas he didn't think he was supposed to have.