Blog of the Groom of the Bride He Calls Bunny

Our Wedding Was Perfect

2008-01-31T10:44:00.000-05:00

I'm not kidding. Of course not everything went according to plan... the veil had a hiccup, the ceremony started late (which, in the caribbean is considered "on time enough"), there was some small measure of family drama, but!

Everything Went Perfectly. The veil was quickly fixed and ended up looking better than originally designed, the post-ceremony photos were SO dramatic in the insufficient light (and our badass photog can handle adverse lighting with aplomb), and all the family drama got worked out, really. I mean, we're people. The best relationships are forged on turbulent waters. :)

Our photographer, coordinator, location, musicians, family and friends were all absolutely 100% over-the-top AMAZING.

The photos are being put together right now. The photographer has threatened us with as many as 1400 images, and of course all the guests each had their own cameras, too. I put Gallery on the wedding site for everyone to upload their own photos. My WingGirl, Kit, helped me test out the installation and settings last night, and I uploaded 2 test images. The site requires registration to create, comment, or view full-size images, but anyone can view the thumbnails and 640x640 images. It's awesome. I just wish the templates were a little simpler, so I could make it look a bit more like the rest of the wedding site. I'll get it sorted out eventually.

Kia is still in Panama, touring with her father. She'll return to me Monday. In the meantime, I'm trying to get the site updated and the house cleaned up. This weekend is going to be very busy.

Mo Drama Fo' Yo' Mama

2008-01-31T10:22:00.000-05:00

TheKnot is a trip. I got on the Destination Weddings board because my fiancee was, and because there were some very cool people there. No, really, there were. She started out on the South Florida board, but that was nothing but drama, and trying to make people cry, so forget that. DW was better, though, with everybody being quite civil and nice to each other.

Then, of course, there was this sort of implied compliance with the standard. A lot of the 'knotties' were very sweet people, and some of them came off as kind of fake. It's the Desperate Housewives sort of sweetness, which never seems quite genuine, and often glosses over a deep-rooted malice. But there were always the good people! And you have to take the bad with the good, right? So you deal.

Both of us stopped posting there in the couple months before the wedding, because the cooler people had fled or were fleeing, the fake saccharin was through the roof, and we were just wicked busy with everything. We both got a lot of emails from people. Most were curiosity or concern, which I answered. A couple were just pushy, though, like we owed the board our continued participation? Forget that.

So before departing for CR, I put up my "last post". It was nice, positive, and devoid of snarkiness - just a general update and farewell. Every response to the post was positive. I double-checked to be sure. When I returned 2 weeks later, I did an "I'm Back!" post. Every response to THAT post, however, was absolutely negative. What nerve I had posting there after my horrifically offensive farewell post, and how I better be returning with a sincere apology or nothing at all. Wow. Whisky Tango Foxtrot?

An important addendum to the story is that one of those pushy/needy knotties (THE PushyNeedy, in fact) had emailed me after the farewell post, and made a point to throw in her desperate housewives jab at how neglectful we've been in our posting. Absolutely sick of it, and wanting to focus only on the positive awesomeness of the upcoming wedding, I told in my reply to can it, and that is the sort of pushiness that makes me NOT want to participate in the community more actively.

That response was posted on another board, where no one knows me. Those people rallied behind PushyNeedy, and not knowing me, decided to hold a weighty grudge against me. So basically, there was a Let's Hate Bunnygroom rally, while I was in Costa Rica getting married. PushyNeedy organized it and led it. It has become clear that PushyNeedy is both pushy and needy as a means to gain validation. When she gets the ladies to rally around her, she feels loved and important, and then wages battle against those who don't love her enough or in the right way, or find her unimportant enough to dismiss.

I love her, because she's really a decent person when she lets up on the pushiness and neediness. She can be very sweet. But I definitely don't find her important, because she's too busy stirring up trouble to really be a positive force. This is mere observation, though. Maybe offline, she's only sweet and awesome. Either way, I have been "unwelcomed" from the DW board (without being formally banned or anything), and everyone still there hates me.

This, to me, is hilarious. I followed up on that WE HATE YOU GO AWAY post by wishing everyone well and asking any remaining friends to drop me a line. I heard from a few by email, and am very happy that I've caught up with them all. It turns out that all have left the board as a result of the changing climate there. It's a bummer, really, because PushyNeedy is a pretty good leader. If only she'd lead people on positive quests instead of organizing lynch mobs.

Now that I've gotten all this petty crap out of the way, let's get back to the positive. Fortunately, my first several blog posts upon returning from the wedding, have been entirely positive and full of joy. They just didn't go on my knot-related, wedding planning blog. They went on the private wedding blog. If any of you reading this are friends of mine, feel free to drop me a line and I'll share the address with you. Bunnygroom0108 is my gmail address. :)

MicroUpdate

2008-01-11T09:33:00.000-05:00

Bunny got my wedding band this morning.

Someone picked up the sofa last night, and all the free space in the living room is AWESOME. We waltzed.

The Final Update?

2008-01-10T14:45:00.000-05:00

Now that most of you have given up waiting for me to update this, I'll finally get around to doing an update. :)

We've been quite busy with wedding preparations, holidays, life, work, and whatever else has come up along the way. Overall, life has been pretty good.

We fly out on Monday, and will be expecting a full entourage of 14 to accompany us through the week with one more coming in just for the wedding and reception. Including we bunnies, there will be 17 people at the wedding. Oh, 18 if you count the lawyer who is marrying us. Hah. Then add in our wedding planner, and whatever locals decide to drop by, and we could blow the roof off of 20!!!
[mock-shock!]

So however you roll it, it's going to be a tiny wedding. Bunny's ring arrived some weeks ago and has been resized. My ring is made and in the mail. In fact, it's in town, but being insured, they're making bunny sign for it at the post office. We were gifted two awesome backpacks that we will be using as our luggage (Thanks, Mom!) and just need to pack them.

There are still a few things to do. I have a car I'm trying to sell. Packing, as I said. I'm still working on the playlists for the week. There are some last-minute things to put together, but nothing that can't be done in time. We can even work on some of it on the plane if we wish. In addition to her picking up the ring today or tomorrow, I also need to pick up a decent set of speakers for the iPod. Criteria: decent sound that people will be able to hear over the ocean, remote, battery powered, compact and light enough to throw in the luggage. The Altec Lansing InMotion iM600 seems like the best choice. Its li-ion battery is good for a few hours. 15W peak power may be loud enough (not sure, but whatever), and bet of all, it's only 2.1 lbs (0.95 kg)! I didn't want to spend $150, but it beats the heck out of the Bose SoundDock Portable ($399?!?). Besides, the Bose weighs 5.2 lbs (2.4 kg). I can't compare the speaker power, because Bose doesn't publish theirs.

Money is kind of a big deal. We're somewhere around a quarter of the national average for weddings, but I'm not so good with savings... so I don't feel like I'm holding up my end. If I manage to sell that car this weekend, I will feel MUCH better, though. So here's hoping.

I know there are a few more things I need to add to the list, but at this time I seriously have four things:

Pack
Deposit a Christmas check
Pay rent
Wrap gifts

The stuff I need to help out with, like the program assembly, favors, house cleaning, and stuff like that are all in my mind, so the above list is just stuff that I need to do. :)

What else do you want updates on? Things are good, here. Thanks for checking in!

Some Kind of Update

2007-12-12T11:51:00.000-05:00

I've been busy, offline, or on other sites doing other things. Never you mind. Less time apologizing for not posting is more time actually posting. Not worrying about images will save time, too, especially considering that I'm doing this from work and don't have access to the images. :)

Clothes
I got an INC jacket from Macy's for half price. It's grey. I'm going to wear it with khaki slacks (which I already have) and either leather sandals (if I find some, or just the ones I have) or barefoot (at least one of the wedding party will be). Probably a t-shirt, but we'll see. Maybe a white button-down underneath. I'll probably take both, and decide based on weather.

Jewels
FI's ring has been resized, and the original inscription was saved. Cute. We will not be able to flush-mount our recycled diamonds in it, due to its thinness. That's ok.
My ring has been ordered and completed. You'll see it when I get it. They ARE able to flush-mount one of the diamonds on the interior of the band, so one is being sent to them. The ring has actually already been created and engraved ... once the ICE BLING is added, it'll be in the mail.

Invites
Most of them are out. The 3 that aren't are due to my procrastination on getting updated addresses for a few people. I'm on it!

Spanish
I am completely acing the class.

Dancing
The class kinda went to hell, but we learned a bit from the sessions we made it to. The only thing we missed was the Tango, and it's the next thing in our Netflix queue. The video doesn't have a great rating, but one thing we've learned is that we can learn from less-than-perfect teachers. ;D

Location
Pretty much everything was already locked down. Peripheral lodging has been secured at Cabinas Punta Uva. Don't ask me for contact information unless you know me and I already like you. ;) They've apparently been a treat to deal with. Fortunately for me, FI has been dealing with that. And doing an awesome job, no less.

Guests
Our friends and family are coming together quite a bit better. There's intermittent drama, but all is well overall. People are actually sending in their RSVPs, which is nice. I could hardly have made it easier.

Problems
Ok, there are a couple of little tiny things, but they're really my things. I need to get on the invites, as I said. I have vows to write. I need to choose a useful, warm, non-lame gift for my WingGirl. There are a couple of other things, but they'll work out.

I still have a little time... We don't leave for 33 days. :D

Happy Anniversary

2007-11-19T09:13:00.000-05:00

Today Facts:

We're alive, healthy, and happy. Share this news with everyone.
Seriously. They've been asking and want to know.
Her wedding band has been resized. (And the original 1936 Inscription was saved!)
My wedding band has been ordered. (And could possibly be turning on a lathe as I type this !!)
Walt Disney World Magic Kingdom with my bride and her MOH was AMAZING fun!
I am meeting the MOB this weekend! (Mother of Bride sounds more fun than FMIL)
In response to my poor habits, I have put myself on a voluntary spending leash.
The invites are finished. We need to make envelopes now.
Dance class tonight!

As you can see, we've been quite busy. Our lives have been quite full with work, fun, planning, preparation, and life in general. The funniest part is that I know there are several more things we have been up to that are at least marginally interesting. There was the company picnic at the zoo, where we took a ton of pictures. Disney was like 5.7 tons of pictures. Last night we ate at a super fancy restaurant.

Oh! That reminds me! There were a couple other things, too...

We started dating 3 years ago today.
We depart in 56 days and wed in 62!

That's right, our relationship is finally out of its terrible twos and is beginning to become a pretty strong little walker. We've started teaching it to write its own name. ;p Honestly, though, it's amazing to look back on everything that has happened in the last 3 years. I had just moved to Miami, gotten rejected by an apartment of grad students, and moved into a house of college students way down in Kendall. I was still flat broke from the move, but loved my new job, and was looking forward to making friends and building a social life for myself in Miami. And then I found out Kraftwerk was coming to town.

Three years later, we have made plans, taken trips, had arguments, discovered the source of those arguments, learned how to reliably avoid EVER arguing, hurt and comforted one another, been each other's rock, shared new things, discovered new things, completely fallen in love, and decided to spend the rest of our existence together.

In just two short months, we will be placing bands of immense symbolic value on one another's fingers, binding our hands together, and jumping over a broom into our new life together.

I could not be happier, more fulfilled, or more excited about the future.

[Photos will be added tonight. Feel free to call and remind me.]

Un Hecho

2007-11-14T16:37:00.000-05:00

Fact: My wedding band was ordered.
Fact: It's made of titanium with an inlay.
Fact: The last post was a lie. :D

My Bunny posted the facts here. (Though I know the only people reading my blog are coming here from hers.)

Also, I want my bride to know that I love her and am thinking of her right now.

TEH BEST RINGZ EVAR!!!!!!!!!11

2007-11-11T09:52:00.000-05:00

I wanted to thank everyone who commented on the last post. When you comment on my blog, that comment is sent to my gmail account. Gmail supports google with contextual ads, and I, reading an email with 7 responses chock-full of words like wedding, band, ring, titanium, and platinum, received an ad, chosen from context, for another fabulous website offering fabulous titanium rings with various inlays.

And my mind was forever changed.

Yes, that is a Titanium Ring with an inlay of Pink Carbon Fiber. You're speechless, I know.

On an unrelated note, FI placed the order last night.

Band Geek

2007-11-08T16:49:00.000-05:00

With 73 days to the wedding, it's time I find and choose a band. Unfortunately, I haven't. In fact, I had gotten discouraged with a lot of fruitless searching, and hadn't done much of anything in weeks, unless you count whining about pawn shops.

Mens heirloom/estate/vintage/whatever rings are actually pretty hard to come by. I don't know why. And my distaste for gold (personal, not environmental) narrows my already limited options to a tiny sliver. Let me just say this has been significantly more difficult than selecting the engagement ring. So now what? SheBunny found a few great rings on ebay, but all were snatched up in the tide of rising platinum prices and the falling dollar. It's time to broaden my search...

A couple of nights ago, SheBunny sat me down and got me back on track with this. We looked at several rings, discussed the abhorrent gaudiness we were seeing, and eventually found ourselves on the far side of yet another fruitless search. I gave serious thought to spending the weekend combing pawn shops and jewelry and antique stores, but our weekend plans are to finish the invites, and there certainly won't be time for doing both.

And then she discovered Rob and Lean (Leighanne). Rob turns wood and metal into gorgeous rings, and they sell them on Etsy. And I love them. In fact, I wrote a little song 'bout it! Like-a hea' it? Hea' it go'!

The Spirit of Abraham Lincoln
The first ring to catch my eye is 100% copper. This is a material I had been thinking about for a while, but due to its tendency to tarnish and the fact that I'd never seen it used for jewelry (just pennies, pipes, pots, and pans), I never really pursued the thought. Now all my wildest dreams can come true. The only downside is that copper tarnishes green, and this can stain the skin. The likelihood of this totally depends on the wearer, and I have no idea how my skin will react. It is supposed to be good for the joints and things, though. Maybe it would help out with my wrists... Another Bonus: C'est très bon marche!

Darker and Darker Still
Titanium and Tungsten have also been on my mind. Neither are good candidates for vintage, as they haven't been around that long, and no one is really recycling these metals into rings at this point (or at least not that we've found). Fortunately, it's quite a bit less resource-intensive than the more "precious" metals. This particular ring is pure titanium and the dark finish on it is simply gorgeous. Very simple, pure, and classy. Also crazy strong, hypo-allergenic, and non-oxidizing.

Best of Both Worlds?
What could be better than Copper or Titanium? Copper and Titanium! Or could it? This ring places the titanium against the skin, with the copper exposed. I'm not sure if it looks amazing, or like cookware. Either way, the copper will come into contact with the two adjacent fingers. I think if I'm going to do copper, I'm going to do it all the way, but I do love the inlay. I've been torn on it. Initially, I did dismiss it as cookware, but I can't bring myself to remove it from the final round. That means something, right?

Just Add Nature
Metal may not seem the greenest and most natural substance, but wood rings are entirely too delicate for me to consider a wood band as a symbol of our marriage. I'd like to make a stronger statement than that. Here we have all the appeal of wood with all the strength of titanium. And they replace worn wood inlays for only $10, so if I do end up damaging the more delicate part of the band, it can be mended. That sounds like a good symbol. The core is strong, but it is not entirely impervious to damage. It requires care, but is at the same time incredibly difficult to significantly damage. Hmm... I may have just talked myself into the inlay.

Excellent Response
I wrote the seller late last night and received a response before noon today. They answered every single question I asked, and did so very much to my satisfaction. I have but a couple more questions to ask, but am certain their response will be excellent. At this point, could I let anyone OTHER than Rob make my ring?

Customization
Rob is basically willing to make any ring with any inlay and any stones at any size. They have 100% positive feedback on over 400 responses, and from what little correspondence we've had, I'm convinced that this is an excellent couple to work with. I'm thinking of other inlays, as Walnut doesn't strike me as great, and I'm not fond of the toxicity of Cocobolo.
I much prefer Maple and Birch, but they have several reclaimed woods available as well. How awesome would that be? Cypress is one of the reclaimed options. If you're not sure what that wood looks like, we have something in the common. Fortunately, they made an all Cypress ring, so we can take a good look. It might be too light to go with polished titanium, but if I could get a dark titanium ring like the one above, this might look amazing inlaid with it. Clearly, I've got some thinking to do in the next couple days.

(Feedback is encouraged)

Getting to Know You (2 of 2) : Go Dancing

2007-10-25T12:16:00.000-04:00

Ladies, I have nothing to talk to you about. I'm preaching to the choir here. You would be reading this, nodding, and fighting the urge to scream "I Know!!! Tell HIM!!!! " I know you know, so off you go. If you've got the notion, make your fella a drink. He might like something to sip on while he reads the rest of this.

Alright, guys. Hang on, that drink is on the way. What're you having? Scotch? Scotch and water? Water? Either way, enjoy it. I've got a lot to cover, but I'll try to get to the point.

You need to go dancing. It will improve your quality of life. I'm not talking about hitting the club, grinding on strangers to the romantic sounds of Chingy and Timbaland. No, I'm talking about Rumba/Tango/Waltz stuff. I'm talking about Emmitt Smith-style makin' that woman move.

The Talented Mr. Smith
You likely know Emmitt Smith as the Cowboys' Running Back. Maybe the Cardinals. Your lady, on the other hand, probably knows him from Dancing with the Stars, where he won the third season with partner (and trainer) Cheryl Burke. The world of ballroom dancing evidently knows him as their poster boy and emmissary. And pretty much everyone knows he's awesome.

In addition to his current football work (host/analysis/etc), Smith is a spokesman for the Arthur Murray dance studio franchise. (Warning! WORST Flash Site EVER) They have interviews with him posted on the site, part 1 of which is called "Dancing Has Changed My Life" and is available in Windows Media Player and Quicktime formats. I haven't seen it yet.

Bring it Home
Ok, hopefully, I've got your attention, because it's time to bring it home. Emmitt and I agree: Dancing is good. It's good for you (ya lazy bum). Your woman already wants to do it. And don't give me any crap about "She hasn't said so" or any other excuses. If she hasn't nagged you about it, it's because nagging you would take away from the joy of dancing with you. The both of you, out there on the floor, together, for the one simple reason that you WANT to be there doing that, would bring you both such joy. If, however, the only reason you're there is that you "have" to be... well, it won't be any fun for either of you.

My fiancee and I started taking a dance class at the local community college (under the community education program) and have been SO happy with it that we're planning to follow up with the intermediate course. We have learned a LOT about each other through just, what, 6 or 7 classes, and have actually noticed concrete examples of how it's helped us as a couple. Go sign up for a cheap class at your local community college, or find something on Craigslist, or if you're tired of taking matches to all the hundred-dollar bills you've got lying around, check out your local Arthur Miller academy. If you're a little bit country, go for the line dancing. You really can't go wrong with basic ballroom though. It's a lot of fun.

Oh, and see the shoe post before you chip off her poor toenails with your clumsy boats.

Next Up: He-Said/She-Said: a bipartisan analysis of the marriage preparation retreat and the dance classes.

Getting To Know You (1 of 2) : Structured Conversation

2007-10-17T15:23:00.000-04:00

Let's play a quick game of word association. I'll say a couple words, and you tell me what immediately comes to mind. How do they make you feel?

Counseling

Therapy

Ok, ok, I can already see that this is making most people uncomfortable, so I'll stop. Most people don't want to talk about that stuff, and I can totally understand why. There are plenty of reasons for it to be an unappealing topic. It's cool, though; I want to change the subject. (All of the links for this post are going at the end. I don't want to interrupt the flow, so we can recap when we're done.)

Structured Conversations
It's like watching TV with your loved one, and then discussing what you just saw. "OMG Raymond is SO FUNNY! No wonder everybody loves him!" "Are you kidding? He's the dumbest, most annoying thing since Homer Simpson!" Great, you've got the idea.

Now, instead of watching TV, let's seek out more intellectually stimulating input. Let's go with, say, a great biography. Think of the most successful marriage you know of (the criteria is your own, so whatever you want, real or imagined). Ron and Nancy? Wesley and Buttercup? Your grandparents? Sounds great. Now think of their autobiography, written as a couple. That'll be a GREAT read, right? Especially going into your wedding. Maybe you could use some advice in dealing with your fiancee. How are you going to deal with his video game habit or her shopping habit? Do you want a joint account? Are you changing your name? What about babies? Where will you live? Whose career comes first? The experience of your ideal couple could be VERY beneficial to you.

Ok, reality. Even if the couple exists, and even if they're written that biography, they're going to miss something. An aggregation of collected advice from years and years of sources, tireless research, and centuries of experience would be nice. There are some excellent sources available.

Let's Talk About _____, Baby
Assumptions, like all things, need to come in moderation. You have to make some assumptions, otherwise having to define every word you use would literally take forever. So we assume we mean some shared meaning in words. We assume some level of consistency in each others actions. I eat ice cream probably 5 nights a week, so it's safe for SheBunny to assume that I'd like ice cream pretty much any night of the week. Simple assumptions can go bad, though. And some assumptions end up being bigger (and more wrong) than you think.

Structured conversation is the only way to prevent serious matters from catching you by surprise. If you haven't discussed the bank accounts, you can't assume you're on the same page (joint, solo, or both?) If you haven't discussed babies, you can't assume how many you'll be having. If you haven't discussed your plans for your new spouse to support you through school so you can ultimately make 3x their salary and lock 'em in the house to raise your undisclosed number of babies, there is DEFINITELY going to be some conflict.

You need to talk about it, and you need to make sure you don't miss any of the big stuff. It is important to be on the same page, and to work well together. We bunnies did this three ways, and I want to briefly discuss two of them. The third will come in the second part of this post.

Get a Book
We did some independent study to begin with. The Conscious Bride's Wedding Planner (by Sheryl Paul) has a section with a lot of great questions and conversation starters. It will guide you through the discussion of many important topics. SheBunny thought I was resistant to it, when in fact it was simple laziness that prevented me from taking initiative. We were on a road trip and had the book with us when we first started the dialogue. The details escape me, but one of us was driving, the other reading and asking questions. Both of us, through the honest sharing of our opinions, learned a great deal about each other on that trip.

Find a Retreat
We actively sought marriage counseling (Well, she actively sought it, and I continued on my mission of No Initiative, with a couple of pointless spurts of effort) for quite some time before FI eventually found the Catholic Engaged Encounter. Their motto mirrors our feelings perfectly: "A wedding is a day... a marriage is a lifetime." You should know that neither of us are Catholic. Fortunately, the good people of the Diocese of St. Augustine happily accepted our request to join them.

You may already know that the Catholic church "requires" couples to take this course. It is not a strict requirement, mind you, but participation is strongly encouraged. We Bunnies were the only non-Catholic couple there, and the only 100% voluntary attendants. We participated in every discussion, received blessings from Father Seamus, and spoke earnestly and openly with one another, the group, and the coordinators. Everyone was incredibly receptive. The worksheets were incredibly thought-provoking. The weekend was two days and two nights at their retreat, packed solid with talks, handouts, exercises, and stories. We had an amazing time, met amazing people, and benefited tremendously.

Closing Arguments
If you don't know by now, my purpose here is NOT to tell you what to do. You get enough of that from other directions. I'm just sharing what I know, feel and think. I know these discussions helped us and brought us closer. I feel that a weekend retreat (or at the very least a good book) is essential to EVERY couple, whether you're just starting out or have been together for decades. Finally, I think there is hardly anything better that you can do for yourselves, both individually and as a couple, than to put your heart and mind into dedicating a weekend to this essential topic.

I am happy to answer any questions you may have. Email me, if you know the address, or just leave a comment. Part two will be coming up before long, and will cover the last third of this weighty topic.

Until then, enjoy these fine links:
Conscious Bride's Wedding Planner

The cheat sheet that FI made from our Engaged Encounter notes

Engaged Encounter itself

Engaged Encounter of the Diocese of Saint Augustine
Even if you're coming from distant lands, I highly recommend this location. The retreat center is absolutely picturesque, and the people are amazing.

Platinum Mining, Specifically

2007-10-16T23:35:00.000-04:00

I got a comment on the gold mining post from a friend asking about Platinum mining. Since I purchased a platinum engagement ring for my fiancée, she needed to get a platinum wedding band (if any) of one ring would mar the other. She's getting two platinum rings, then, and I may be getting one as well, so it's definitely something I should look into. I planned on researching it eventually, but no time like the present, right?

As I said in the previous post, Wikipedia cannot be considered a consistently reliable source. It is, however, an excellent place to start. It didn't come up in today's first search, though. In fact, when I asked google about "platinum mining", the first place they sent me was to a page on UNCTAD's InfoComm. UNCTAD is the United Nations Conference on Trade and Development. Generally, I assume the United Nations is going to offer fairly unbiased, researched, and intelligent information. If you disagree, check your own preferred sources and let me know what you learn.

InfoComm actually offers a beautifully clear and concise chart illustrating the refining process. In the text, they offer information about primary mine locations (South Africa and Russia are the two primary sources), mining companies (Amplats is the "industry leader"), quantity (producing one ounce of platinum requires 7 - 12 tonnes [metric tons] of ore), and supply (estimates are less than a year), and finally recycling.

The first thing you need to know is that Platinum is part of PGM, or Platinum Metals Group. Platinum, Palladium, and Rhodium all go hand-in-hand. The primary commercial use of platinum, surprisingly, is automobile catalytic converters. HowStuffWorks is happy to explain how that works. As for quantity, this is the best info I could find, "It is estimated that the average catalytic converter on the market contains 1.5 g of PGM." (They even cite their source!)

There are many more uses, including the production of things that aren't made of platinum at all. According to Wikipedia, it's a catalyst in the production of silocone (squeegees and spatulas) as well as medical implants (breasts, joints, and so on). It is also used in certain forms of chemotherapy, which is both good and bad. They've got a map of platinum production sites, too.

Ok, let's talk about the ambiguous bad stuff now.
First, there is the environmental damage caused by mining. From what I've gathered in the last half-hour, platinum is most often extracted in nickel and copper mining operations, most requently conducted in underground mines (as opposed to pit mines). Can the extraction of platinum be justified, since they're already mining for the copper and nickel? Well, that's your call.

Then we have the refining process, which according to GoldAndSilverMines.com, is "among the most complex and challenging of metal separations." Read their page for more information on the subject. You can see what kinds of chemicals are used in the separation process. Ammonium chloride seems to be the primary bath, and I'll let you do your own research on the dangers of that. All I know is I sure wouldn't want to breathe the vapors.

Points to think about:
How long would it take you to dig up 7 tonnes (15,432 lbs) of rock?
How much energy does that require?
What is done with the "waste"?
How many chemicals are used?
What is done with the chemical waste?
How much is a platinum ring Really worth?

I can't answer any of this for you, but I've definitely convinced myself that I don't need a platinum ring. We've been watching ebay, actually, and the rings have been going for way more than we want to pay. We are only watching used rings, the older the better, and they're getting bought up at alarming rates.

Good luck with your own research and decision.

Jewelry Selection

2007-10-15T14:51:00.000-04:00

It is Blog Action Day. We're supposed to do an environmentally motivated post. The point is to get people thinking, but I find that environmentally motivated things are more likely to CLOSE ears than to OPEN them.

The best thing a writer can do when trying to shift popular opinion or habit (environmental or otherwise) is to avoid being preachy. For crying out loud, we all learned to automatically block preachy tones by age 4.

You already know that it's impossible to reliably measure your impact on the environment. Maybe you think the evidence is conclusive, or maybe not. Maybe you trust the sources, or maybe not. We can argue until we're dead and still never agree. So let's avoid it.

What we do know and can talk about is how the environment affects us. We're people, and we're affected by everything from the earth's rotation to the rain to the little planetary events that we call "natural disasters". We can all have a similar perspective on size and magnitude. That'll simplify the discussion, right?

You know what? I'll get right to the point. I will tell you point blank what I want to shift.
I want you to think about where jewelry comes from.

If we're talking about things related to weddings, there are very limited sources. We're excluding macaroni art. Let's filter innately hippie things, too, like crowns of twisted vine, or I dunno, twigs in your hair. Yeah, let's go straight to Gold, Silver, Platinum, Pearl, Diamond, Ruby, Emerald, Sapphire, and so on. That's where the money is.

Metal
This is easy. It all comes from one place: the ground. We have to dig up the earth, find it, and somehow filter it. One method of getting gold is called panning, and it's not commercially viable. Moot. Actually, most of the world's gold comes from hard rock mining, and the most popular method of processing that ore is Gold Cyanidation. (Wikipedia is not generally considered a reliable source, in that you can't cite it on term papers and the like, but it is a great place for starting your research.) This is a process through which gold is dissolved into water with the help of a lot of cyanide. The cyanide is left over, and contained.

What do we know about Cyanide? Will, the above wiki page says that cyanide has a "highly poisonous nature," but do we believe that? It depends on the form of the cyanide. Some forms are actually beneficial. Apple seeds and almonds contain cyanide. That means it's natural, right? Well, yeah. But natural doesn't mean good. Nor does it mean bad. So where does that leave us? There is obvious evidence that cyanide can get in the water supply through leaks, accidents, or incidents. There is very conclusive evidence that when this happens, it kills almost everything it comes into contact with. People are advised to NOT drink the water, so they survive. It is obvious not a good thing. But there is evidence that the cyanide partially breaks down fairly rapidly, and microorganisms can fully recover in just over a couple weeks. So where does that leave us?

Thinking, hopefully. Maybe even reading more.

Gems and Jewels
How about we stop here? Let's not talk about conflict diamonds. Let's not talk about horrible working conditions, indentured servitude, slavery, or jobs that destroy your health without even offering health care. I don't want to think about drowning pearl divers. I don't want to know how much energy it takes to produce an artificial diamond.

It's hard to think about the environment. We've been bombarded by information from unreliable sources, for one. For another, we have to think about where this would ultimately lead. What if we agreed that burning oil was bad? We would have to stop driving NOW. We would have to stop consuming power NOW. How would we have light or news or anything? It's not like we can go back to burning whale oil!

Obviously there's no single, definable answer that can be handed out to everyone. This is a massive, huge, whole-earth issue. People can't even fully agree if it's actually a problem. Without that fundamental agreement, how can it be solved?

Well, we can do what we can do, can't we? I still have to get to work, and I'm not willing to move closer. But I do have a coworker who lives near me, and we could carpool at least 3 or 4 days a week. Only we work different shifts. So I changed mine. Sure, it won't be AS convenient, but there are benefits, too. Gas will cost about half as much, for instance. And only one of us will have to deal with the stress of driving each day. Ultimately, it will be a good thing.

And I need to email her about that, to see if she'd be interested. I think I'll do that now.

Think for yourself, my friends. Challenge both sides to find the truth. Make your own decisions, and really act on them. Accept responsibility for your life, and live in a way that makes you proud.

Alcohol and Your Diet

2007-10-05T12:39:00.000-04:00

When I have a drink, I want one of 4 things:
- Whiskey and Coke
- Rum and Coke or a Mojito
- Good wine or Champagne (sparkling wine, whatever)
- Good beer (Heineken is not good beer. Negra Modelo and Delirium are.)

(Note: I'm going to use Calorie-Count.com for all my numbers)

Beer (~150)
We all know that beer is made of carbs and calories. But how many? Well, I don't have bottles handy at work, so looking online, my options are limited. Let's start with the lame, American standard: Budweiser. 145kcal for 12oz.
Blue Moon, an excellent beer that is apparently owned by Coors (?!?) is 171kcal per 12oz.
Peroni, a great, light Italian beer, sold by Miller, is 150kcal per 12oz.

Wine (~80)
For wine, they don't offer any specific brands, vinyards, or vintages. Fair enough. On average, we'll assume, a glass (3.5oz) will run you around 79kcal.

Liquor (~???)
Now, for those of you who like the harder drinks, or cocktails, let's look first at the alcohol content. Most standard alcohols are 80 proof, so 1 fl. oz. will cost you 64kcal.
Coca-Cola is 97kcal for 8oz. If you mix your drinks 2:1, that would include 4oz of alcohol, or 256kcal for a total of 353. Three drinks is half of the daily recommended intake for most people. I will grant that that's a fair bit stronger than most people go for, but it's my blog, my post, and my recipe. :)

(Every photo tells a story, but some need additional explanation)

What do you make of that? Speaking for myself, I can't believe how many calories are in liquor. It has no carbs, no fat, no sugar, no protein... what the heck? And as soon as I saw that number, it clicked. Calories are a measurement of energy. Energy is measured by combusting foods, basically. Or at least that was the original method. Slate has an interesting article on the subject. Suffice for our purposes to say that you can get SOME measurement of caloric content by burning something and calculating the energy it gives off.

I don't think you need to actually try it to know that alcohol burns a helluva lot better than coke. In fact, I would highly recommend AGAINST attmepting to set fire to liquor. Either way, it was kind of a 'duh' moment for me. Of course whisky is chock-full of calories.

The other thing I'm thinking is ... it's time to revise the diet. I think I'll allow myself 2 cocktails a week. (At least one of which should be before dance class!!)

Two Pieces of Advice on Dancing

2007-10-02T15:41:00.000-04:00

For the intrepid couple on the happy path to matrimonial bliss, I have two humble pieces of advice to offer you.

One for the men: Sign up for dance classes.

One for the women: Go shopping.

Lemme 'splain...

Men, you want and you need to sign up for dance classes. Ballroom dancing is great if you want the best all-around choice. Salsa if you're into that specifically. Hip-hop if you're a white computer geek with no concept of cool (the rest of you can probably manage without the class, or know better than to try).

Need more convincing? It's ok, I understand your hesitation. Several Very Good things will come from this choice. They vary depending on your needs. They'll help with coordination or confidence if you need that. Maybe there's a power dynamic that you need to work out in your relationship because you're a total momma's-boy and found yourself a remarkably strong woman to compensate: this will help you regain some feeling of Man. It is your job to lead after all. Say your bride eventually comes to her senses and leaves you at the altar. (Sure, it's an unlikely possibility that no one wants to think about, but say it does happen. ) Well, if that happens, you can rest assured in the knowledge that the scores of women who found out you were taking a dance class have recently seen you with new eyes. And buddy, you're looking good. Otherwise, she'll meet you at the altar, and you can wow her family with your dashing, debonair, coordinated, confident presence, and your unparalleled skill on the dance floor. They'll adore you, and your new wife will fall in love with you all over again. *swoon*
Either way, you win!

Now, go find a class and ignore the rest of this post.

Alright, ladies, now that your dumb puppy has left the room, let's get down to brass tacks. Of course you want to think the best of him, and focus only on the positive, but in the interest of your continued beauty and health, let's admit for a moment that your man is a clumsy buffoon. What does that mean?

That means he's going to step on your feet!

Don't be scared. This is a good thing: through this class he will likely attain some level of coordination.
Furthermore, it's a golden opportunity to GO SHOPPING!
And better yet, you need to go shopping... FOR SHOES!

Before you scream and run out to the car, let's pause and consider your needs. The classes are likely going to take place on a shiny wood floor. You're going to want kinda slicky shoes. That's not a typo. Think slicky, not sticky! Orthopedics, Danskos, and running shoes are absolutely not an option. You don't want to stick to the floor when your malcoordinated buffoon is trying to spin you around, or you'll twist your ankle and/or knee. You're also going to want to consider real-world conditions. If you're going to wear heels to the reception, and most of the times you go out dancing, it may throw you off if you learn in ballet flats. Conversely, if it's a beach wedding with a dancefloor on the lawn, stilettos are going to make you more of a golf tee than a disco superstar.
Furthermore, you're going to want to make absolutely certain to PROTECT YOUR TOES. Open-toed shoes, at least this early in the game, are simply out of the question. No, you're going to want protection from his wildly flailing size-13s.

May I recommend:
The Manolo Blahnik Black Patent Pump
A bargain at $595
available from your friendly neighborhood Nieman Marcus
or online here

This fine shoe will simultaneously protect and flatter your feet, while giving you the confidence to wow the entire class. Luckily, the patent leather provides a slick surface to deflect his dangerous feet.

The Melissandre Calfskin Boot
Slightly less of a bargain at $1,510
Also available at Nieman Marcus,
online here

Defend yourself from a particularly manly man with this particularly bootly boot. Includes a red underside in case you need to use your heel to exact revenge on him for scuffing the fine calfskin.

The Jimmy Choo Watson Flat
A very reasonable $340
Available at Saks and other fine retailers
online here

This shoe is terrific because it's a flat, has a short toe (less for him to step on!), and includes defensive "gems". Be cautioned, though. It has rubber soles, which could jeopardize your knees and ankles.

The Louboutin Miminette Wedge
Modestly priced at $575
Available at Saks Fifth Avenue
online here (Also available in Gold!)

This more reasonable choice offers the perfect compromise between heel and flat, provides a comfortable toe without excessive length, and comes in a gorgeous metallic for maximum effect. Bonus: your man will call you Cobra Commander.

If your man hasn't got any good dress shoes, there is absolutely nothing in the world I could recommend above a fine pair of Kenneth Coles. I'd link you to the pair I have, but I picked them up on clearance at the KC outlet for $175. That's half price. They're the most comfortable shoes I've ever owned. On top of that, I've been wearing them probably 3x a week for several months now, and they still look practically new. A good place to start. I definitely recommend seeking out a nearby outlet, though, and looking for a bargain.

Engagement Photos: Round 2 (lo-res!)

2007-09-28T14:13:00.001-04:00

The day was Sunday, Sept 9, and we had a date to meet Edith and Kendra, two recent photo grads who shot us as a team, alternating between photographer and assistant. They were a lot of fun to work with and very open to our ideas. Most importantly, they were excited to shoot us at our preferred location:

(blatantly scavenged from miamisci.org without permission)

They had put a post on Craigslist that Kia saw, so we were able to get in on their portfolio-building deal. So we dragged them out to the biggest swamp in the country and spent a couple of hours getting sweaty (tenia mucho calor!) while they snapped away. We had our own ideas, and they gave us some great direction.

We just got our first batch of proofs back, and will be receiving the full resolution images and one fully optimized image.

I could post all the pics here (it'd be good to finally have some photos on the blog, right?) but instead will shuttle you off to Kia's blog, where she's setup a little poll for voting on your favorites.

Preventing an Unpleasant End

2007-09-26T17:27:00.000-04:00

Your wedding is cause for great celebration. Half of your family thought you'd never get married, and the other half can't even remember your name (but is happy for you nonetheless). Some of them may not have been able to make it to the ceremony (but they had a very good reason, I'm sure) but at least they could show up to share this special night with you. Or eat your food. Or enjoy the open bar. Whatever.

The fact is, you have a crowd of people on your hands, and chances are pretty good you're serving them alcohol. There's no reason to turn this into a lecture on the dangers of alcohol. The subject has been covered. What I want to do is suggest some ideas on how to keep anything bad from happening, because you don't want anyone's evening to end on an unfortunate note, and you certainly don't want your wedding day remembered as anything but your wedding day.

Of course there's no way to fully control another's actions, and accidents do happen, but as event organizers with a full understanding of how alcohol can impair judgement, it is our responsibility to at least encourage safety. We could paraphrase this into some kind of a weak slogan!

Keep it light, keep 'em there, cut 'em off, or take 'em home

If you're serving watered-down American beer, you've already done your part to keep guests sober. Kudos. ;) Weak (virgin?) cocktails are another option. Just maybe not a popular one with the guests... Now that my worst suggestion is out of the way, let's move to the best.

For destination weddings, receptions held at hotels, or any other situation where the guests have adequate accommodations, you can simply keep them there. Destination wedding guests will already have their rooms taken care of. For those with the means to board their guests locally, little creativity can go a long way. Room keys could be incorporated into the place setting. The option to stay could be mentioned on the invitation and referenced on the RSVP. Guests who love camping could be granted a patch of yard space for tents, and your crazy retired uncle and aunt could sleep a few people in their RV. Heck, if the weather's right and the location is good for it, shelter may be optional. My fiancée and I love to sleep in the yard under the stars when the mosquitos and skies allow it. Let your creativity guide you on this one, and once your plans are made, your guests can drink to their hearts content.

Most couples may find the above idea totally impossible. That's fair. If you still want to let your guests drink to their hearts content, there is always the option of arranging some sort of transportation home. This would be especially helpful if that crazy uncle of yours hasn't yet sold his taxi company and bought the RV. Maybe you have great public transit options (NYC?) or live in a small area where folks can walk home. Rent a shuttle, call a cab, or let sober guests volunteer to be designated drivers.

Finally, you can just cut them off. Close the bar at midnight, and keep your guests entertained until 3. Lock the gates, hide the keys, and do whatever you need to keep them there until they've mostly sobered up. According to WebMD, the average person can metabolize around 1 drink an hour. The only problem is that it's impossible to know just how long it will take for people to sober up. Depending on how heavy they hit the bar, it could be an hour, or it could be 6. While this is probably the easiest way to help ensure your guests leave sober, it is assuredly the least effective.

On page 6 of WebMD's Alcohol Intoxication guide, they say that "impairment of skills begins at a much lower level than required to exhibit obvious signs of being drunk." That is to say, without a test, there is no way to tell how 'impaired' a person really is.

Which Is the Worse Buzzkill?
I'm no prude; I love a good drink, and have been known to have a few. On the other hand, I love every single person coming to our wedding, and would hate to know something unfortunate happened to them, especially on the night of my wedding. Call me a groomzilla, but I'm NOT going to have the memory of my wedding tainted by something that's in my power to prevent. It's going to be the happiest day of my life, full of nothing but good things.

Start a New Trend
Don't let yourself be limited by what people are doing. Innovate, like the classy star you are, and watch people follow your lead when they realize what a great idea it is. How awesome would it be if one day it was just understood that you bring a blanket and pillow to wedding receptions? Tuxes and Tents. Sounds like a good time to me.

The Groom's Planning Dilemma

2007-09-25T11:45:00.000-04:00

Why Isn't He Interested?

How involved is your man in the wedding process? It's a rhetorical question, so measure it on whatever scale you want. Then ask yourself if you're happy with that. Do you want him to be more involved? In many couples, the woman wants her way, the man wants her to have it, and they're both happy with that arrangement. To those couples, I have only one thing to say: Congratulations on finding your balance so soon.

This Is How We Do It

I'm atypical in that I've actually dreamed of my wedding from a surprisingly young age. That's apparently not normal for guys, but I've always been a bit sappy and sentimental. From day one, I've been very involved in the planning process. FI chose the date, and I chose the country. She found the local planner, and I coordinated the photographer. She made the Save-the-Dates, and I made the website. Of course we have collaborated on each of these decisions along the way. She's amazing with research, has far more initiative, and is a better planner than I am (typical male/female trend, right?) But I still have ideas, and they're not all bad. And when we've made up our collective mind on something, I can be very aggressive about making sure it happens. So we're playing off each other's strengths and planning a wedding, honeymoon, and - more importantly - a marriage that we will both be proud of and happy with.

The crazy part to me is how many brides-to-be wish their man would be more involved. I understand he was playing football or basketball at age 15 while I was picturing a gorgeous woman in a gown, adorned with flowers. At least he has hand-eye coordination. ;) That doesn't mean he can't flip through a magazine and point out cakes that he thinks are cool, or call a florist to setup a meeting, or spend half an hour googling "wicked awesome honeymoons". If you want him to be involved, invite him.

PINK PINK PINK

Alright, you've been dreaming of this since you were 7, so you even have a few years of experience on me. But you're not dead-set on every aspect of the process, and you definitely want his feedback. Standing in front of the TV with three pictures of suits isn't going to get his interest; it's going to annoy him. And telling him "I want [insert super-girly pink pink pink here]," isn't going to engage his imagination; it's going to engage his gag reflex.

Speaking of engaging him: you did! He either proposed to you or accepted your proposal (c'mon, if a groom can blog, a bride can propose), so it's clear you know how to gain and hold his interest. He seems to think you can hold his interest for an entire lifetime, even. So you tell me what will work.

Take what he does and loves, and translate that to the wedding. The process is so massive and all-encompassing that there are parallels. If he loves drawing football plays, have him draw out the ceremony with little x's and o's. If he's visual, look through books together. It's already a given he'd love to do a cake tasting. Who wouldn't?

Don't 'Zilla (yet)

Get him on board with the planning, and with your existing plans. If you really want that to happen, you need to be flexible. Plan to give a little, but don't plan to compromise. Think Win-Win. If your ideas differ, don't automatically think, "Well, if I give this up, I'll have leverage there..." That's creating competition and ignoring the possibility of an alternative where you can both be happy with the choice.

Once he's on board, he will be part of the muscle that transforms your wedding plans into reality. His intuition on your potential planner could save you a frantic pre-wedding 'Zilla blowup (when she totally drops the ball). On the other hand, if he doesn't know the plans, he can't offer much help in keeping them on course during the big day.

If you open the door for your future husband to co-plan your wedding, don't be surprised if he marches through the door with a whole binder of ideas he didn't think he was supposed to have.

First Post

2007-09-24T09:41:00.000-04:00

It's less than 4 months to the wedding, so I suppose I should've gotten started on this a while ago. I'm not a very consistent blogger, though, and I can't get to Flickr from work, so photos aren't usually an option either. Boo.

That said, I have been quite involved in the wedding planning (for a groom, anyhow), and have lots of thoughts to share on the subject. So this is me, tearing into the process, and telling you all what for!

It's tempting to dump a bunch of thoughts out right now, but for the purpose of organization, it'd be much nicer to do a post per thought, right? Well, the purpose of this post is just to say hi, introduce myself, and maybe drop the basics. I'll save the meatier bits for later.

Me: Terry
Fiancee: Kia
Location: Punta Uva, Costa Rica
Date: El 20 Enero, 2008 (that's January)
Colors: Tumeric and Chili, (you can say Saffron and Merlot or yellow and red - basically the colors of the Dalai Lama's robes)
Feel: 1950s Goa Beach Party in a Caribbean setting.
Inspiration: Nature, Buddhism, and "Monsoon Wedding"

Feel free to give me a hard time if I'm neglectful of this blog.

Until the next post, all the best.